So this is what happened when I visited Loveland, an erotic art sculpture park in Seoul, South Korea.
You don’t visit the Louvre or Guggenheim Museum to watch people; you go for the art. Should you find yourself at a theme park dedicated to erotic art and sexuality, in all its provocative and hilarious forms, you might think the other tourists would be the last thing you’d want to see. I did not intend to people-watch at Loveland, an erotic art sculpture park that features 140 pieces by 20 graduates of Hongik University in Seoul, South Korea. Loveland aims to break traditional taboos surrounding sex, while allowing visitors to appreciate the natural beauty of sexuality. The erotic art on display at Loveland would make your grandmother blush — unless she’s like my grandmother, in which case, well, security would take an interest in her activities. Every part of me that values privacy melted away at Loveland, because while the erotic art exhibits and statues were incredible to view, people-watching made the experience all the more memorable.
What to Expect at an Erotic Art Theme Park
The first rule of Loveland is…there are no rules at Loveland! That’s not entirely true, but one thing I do know for sure is that Loveland is an immersive erotic art experience. That’s right, you can touch the statues, climb on top of them, play with animatronic devices and take as many inappropriate, fun-filled photos as your camera battery and memory can handle. Just be aware, you cannot put to use the urinal art…
But feel free to do whatever you want to this fine-formed woman and her lovely red stilettos.
You visit Loveland to appreciate erotic art, which is why it becomes a strange experience when you find people completely ignoring, for example, a statue of a woman gripping her legs tight around a masked-man’s waist, her arms grasping the belt around his neck.
Or when they decide that a man and his dog, in two separate sculptures, giving one another the peace sign is not worthy of a look and a laugh.
That’s people-watching at Loveland. Some visitors make the most of the fun it offers, while others, I can only presume, did not understand where their tour bus was taking them that day.
What happens when a group of women venture into a park full of erotic art and sinfully good recommendations of what they could do later? They tickle one another, of course! Laughter comes naturally at Loveland—you’d have to be a real prude to not find the humor in most of the erotic art on display. But I never imagined it would provoke a woman to tickle her friends’ vulvas, out in the open, for all to see. She did, and it was amazing.
Stop and Admire the Bushes (Pun Intended)
At Loveland, you tend to follow the same people as you make your way along the park’s pathways. There was one group of men and women consistently ahead of me — and they never stopped to admire the imaginative art. What did they admire? The flowers, plants, bushes and trees. Over and over, they walked straight past the art and headed for the foliage. After the third or fourth time, I felt obliged to take a picture of them.
And here is what was directly to their left:
They ignored this fun toy and statue to snap a photo of trees:
Which one would catch your eye? The indiscriminate green bushes or the gold statue of a man and two women engaged in a sexual act that would take great practice, strength and a healthy dose of flexibility? I can only hope they were botanists studying the effects of fog on nonindigenous plants. That’s the only explanation for this odd occurrence — and it does get very foggy at Loveland.
The Bathroom Monitor
You’ve just entered an exhibition hall full of sex-themed dioramas, pleasure toys and a shop with some very interesting souvenirs that airport security would definitely question (or confiscate to get their hands on them). At this point, you should be asking yourself, What am I going to look at first? Or you could just hang out by the bathroom. That’s what one guy did, for at least 45 minutes.
I know what you’re thinking: He must have been waiting for someone. You are correct, but they were not in the bathroom — they were enjoying the exhibition. How do I know this? I saw them come down the stairs to get him on their way out. Maybe he had a sudden need to work through an existential crisis, or perhaps he forgot his glasses and the dioramas were too out of focus for him to appreciate. Or maybe, just maybe, he had no clue what he was doing that day because his other half does all the travel planning. If that’s the case, shame on him for being such a killjoy — I hope she finds a new man soon.
Just Let Me Take This Business Call
To your right is a penis wrapped in a bow. Up ahead, a vibrator that’s nearly your height, labeled Terminator. What better time to answer a business call? You can imagine my surprise when a man did just that.
He stayed on the phone for a good 15 minutes as he walked past multiple erotic art pieces, including one of a man whose private parts have found a hole that’s not pleasing, another featuring a full-bodied woman who’s just gotten out of the shower and the man that is trying to avoid her advances, as well as a sculpture that has a man taking the low road to get between a woman’s legs.
Sometimes business can’t wait, even if it means closing a deal when you’re surrounded by naughty bits.
The Watcher Becomes the Watched
The sign strictly says for “ladies only,” but that did not stop men from climbing on and riding a masturbation bicycle. They quickly regretted it, as the whirling leather straps smacked them in a sensitive spot — to put it gently. I was not about to pass up an opportunity to ride the bike, and by doing so, I made quite a spectacle of myself. The giggling tickler from earlier took notice and watched me put on an impromptu show. And with that, the watcher became the watched. I’m quite sure there’s a video circulating of me on Korean social media channels, showing leather straps whipping my nether regions.
Pedal yourself to a fantastic experience (ladies only), featuring the people-watcher in action. Photo by Brandon Green.
My unabashed enjoyment riding the bicycle inspired the tickler to join in the fun. If my being watched can bring about such happiness for someone else, I may start allowing random strangers to take my photo. Then again, if they have only a smidgen of my sneakiness inside of them, it’s already happened — people-watching is, after all, a global art form.